Monsters And Heroes

This was probably one of my most reflective songs to date.

It took a hell of a long time to finish it but after almost 2 months of writer's block, I finished it.

I started writing it sometime in term 4 last year. The feelings that gripped me that Tuesday (I remember because I had a Free after lunch which was when I started) were ones of general negativity. I was sitting in the refectory with Simon, Liam, Sarah S, Ismail, etc, and I just simply couldn't join in the conversation they were having. Although I can't exactly remember what they were talking about, I just had nothing to say for that 30 minutes more or less and thus I felt alone there.

A thing I've realized about my personality is that when one thing gets me down, loneliness in this case, everything else that brings me down, all the negative thoughts I have about myself and the world around me (maybe not ALL) come to mind and these make me a walking The Smiths song (OK, I admit, I don't really listen to them but from what I've heard, they're a tad depressing).

Thus, I used my free, and its a good thing Cattleya was in Angove at the time, to go and write all the cluttered thoughts in my head.

And this is it:

Was I a boy who one had hope?
Before the sky turned grey and the sun went black,
There are tremors on horizons reminding me of warnings I left on the beaten path,

There are cracks are on the wall,
Let's countdown to 2012,
So I can kiss the girls goodbye before I go
Excuses are excuses and I'm a hypocrite
I'm sorry, you're falling for the act

So call me a monster, call me an animal,
I know I've seen the well, that black hole
I'm looking in the mirror,
Demons are pouring (Note: Or would clawing be better?) out my eyes
And I start to taste the poison in my wine

My daddy once took me to a parade and I haven't been back home ever since,
There they taught me tricks and how to play the guitar,
Do they really want to know what I've become?

So who are you to judge me?
To tell me I'm a criminal, 'Yeah, for sure'
So damn you all but I'm still damned myself
And we're just good as gold
We're good as gold

So doll me up and paint me a portrait in white
When I'm just another shade of grey,
Please confuse the fact with the fiction
And spare me some sympathy,
When I'm just drowning in my own apathy

Well, life's a fucking peach and I'm just sour grapes
I'm a jester and a king
I'm whoever you want me to be

So catch me in the mirror but don't catch me in the back,
If you're saying something and I know you're saying something
Going once, going twice
Going three times

Listen up sons and daughters
Brothers and sisters,
Leave me be but don't leave me alone

Which mask to wear today?
The same as yesterday?
Or one that's bound to break?

I look in the mirror and see a monster,
Bending backwards to play the hero's part
Or vice versa

(And all I'm doing is just failing my heart)x4

THE END

This song gets rid of the usual Verse-Chorus-Verse-Chorus-Bridge-Chorus structure that most of my songs have.

Though style-wise, I consider it my own, there are elements of other bands/artistes here sprinkled here and there. Some of the vocals have a slight Gerard Way (of My Chemical Romance fame) style. For the 'I'm a criminal, yeah for sure' line, I tried to put in some of Justin Sane's (Anti-Flag) style in there.

Well, life's a fucking peach and I'm just sour grapes
I'm a jester and a king
I'm whoever you want me to be

So catch me in the mirror but don't catch me in the back,
If you're saying something and I know you're saying something
Going once, going twice
Going three times

And for that entire section, it was a very strong Green Day influence driving it.

Theme-wise, this song is largely about the negativity within me, everything (maybe not EVERYTHING) that I hate about myself.
Many of the lines are very metaphorical but I'm able to understand them crystal clear.

I don't want to go into too much detail about what the lyrics stand for since most of it is stuff that is WAY too personal for such a public domain. All I can say is, by truly understanding every line in this song, only then can you say that you know me truly. Or at least see that side of me that I usually keep to myself and hidden from the world with my occasional sad smiles and poker faces

And that is the first one I'm posting on this blog. :)

Thank you for taking the time to read this if you did. I'll post the video/audio of me playing this song one day, I hope. :)

More coming very soon. :)